On benevolent detachment and noticing

Noticing. I am noticing that I am doing a lot of noticing at the moment. I am talking to clients about the importance of noticing, and I am aware of how much space this is making in my own mind and soul. 

Simply stopping, and noticing.

And detaching.

Like letting go of a balloon and allowing it float freely and spiral off and up at will through the spring clouds. In a kind and gentle sort of way…you could say, benevolent even. The practice of noticing what is going on around me, especially in this wondrous spring season, has led me afresh to the concept of benevolent detachment. 

On a recent early morning walk through some stunning woodland, I find myself stopping again and again simply to be still and notice. Notice the glorious and exultant singing of the birds, the wind whistling and rustling in the trees, the sudden movement of a deer in the distance.

So good for my soul.

But to make space to notice these marvels of nature, I need to get rid of some of the junk that normally occupies my mind and soul. When our minds are full to bursting with thoughts, plans, ‘what-is-next’s, worry, noise, other people’s opinions, and lots of ….well, stuff….we can be so embroiled in that heaviness that there is no space to add anything more.

And so we – I – risk missing out on what is right under my nose. This is a theme I have mused on often – way back when I started blogging, during seasons of grief, during Covid. 

Beauty. New life. The simple things that bring simple pleasures – a good cup of coffee, a smile from a stranger, stroking my cat, sun on my face, buds on the trees. Multitasking can be exhausting and yet we do it all the time – our minds rarely stop.

Try simply eating quietly on your own without reading or listening or talking and simply savour each mouthful and see how it changes your experience of the meal. 

But I digress. 

So how do we empty out our souls enough to have space to stop and notice, to breath and be refreshed?

Have you come across the phrase benevolent detachment?

It is a marvellous phrase, and worthy of some further dissection. 

As far as I know, the phrase originates in John Eldredge’s book Get your Life Back, although please correct me if I am wrong. 

This is how Eldredge describes benevolent detachment:

Our souls accumulate stuff, too, pulling it in like a magnet. And so Augustine said we must empty ourselves of all that fills us, so that we may be filled with what we are empty of.  Over time I’ve found no better practice to help clear out my cluttered soul than the practice of benevolent detachment. The ability to let it go, walk away—not so much physically but emotionally, soulfully.”

He is coming from a Christian starting point, and his focus is that we let go of everything and give it to God. It may be that you don’t share that Christian faith, or you believe in a different form of higher power. But I think there is something here for everyone because this is about letting go of that over which we have no control. This recent post is a great reminder of what we do and don’t have control over. 

When we choose to hold onto stuff over which we have no control, it sticks to us and clutters up our soul. It takes up head space, emotional and mental energy, and robs us of joy. 

 I first heard Eldredge speaking about benevolent detachment in a podcast some months ago. And this week I enjoyed my regular coach community with a fabulous group of three other Christian coaches. We talked about benevolent detachment, and how it is important in coaching. One of us made this comment – 

We care but don’t carry. 

We are right to care, and there are many things in our lives, families, workplaces, world, that it is important that we care about. Benevolent detachment is not cynicism or resignation. But it is the art of letting go and choosing – there’s that superpower again, choice – to not hold onto worries or concerns or hurts that are not ours to carry. 

Eldredge has a free Pause app that encourages the regular practice of noticing and letting go, handing everything and everyone to God. This might or might not be something relevant to you, but check it out if you are curious.

But the regular practice of stopping, noticing what we are carrying, and choosing to let go of that over which we have no control is a powerful one. 

So this week, stop and notice what is going on around you. What do you need to detach from?